I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
