I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize