Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
