hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
