turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
