I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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