She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
