Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
