I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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