She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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