Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
