people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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