she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
