Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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