U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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