Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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