just tell him i said nine months
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
