Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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