I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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