just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
