My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
