Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
