she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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