Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
