She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
