Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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