Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
