just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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