I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
