just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
