She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
