Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
