Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
