Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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