Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
