my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
