Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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