they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
