the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
