Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize