i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
