he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
