Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
