Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize