11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
