omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just had sex bonerless
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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