She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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