i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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