did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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