my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am one with the molecules
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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