i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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