your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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