ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
