i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
