I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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