it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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