Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize