Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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