mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize