so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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