Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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