ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
