oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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