I was born with a shot glass in my hand
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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