Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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