Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
