I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize