Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
