I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
