I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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