Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
