Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
