Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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