I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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