I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
