im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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