Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
