just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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