I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We are all done wearing pants today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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