And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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