I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize