I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Too much gin, very little bucket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
