I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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