I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
