Welp...herpes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize